Crazy Pregnancy Dream

disclaimer: This post may not appeal to anyone much less everyone - I am not going to over-analyze it so I would appreciate only supportive comments. This is a dream about a miscarriage, so with that warning, please do not read this if that topic is going to disturb you. 

Crazy Pregnancy Dream

I had such an awful dream last night. I know pregnancy dreams are supposed to be vivid and wild, but this one was ridiculous. About 2 weeks before delivering Carmen (my now 6 year old) I had a dream that I gave birth to a cat. I woke up very angry at the nurses for not telling me. I thought that dream took the cake, but this was far worse.

Things began normally - we were playing in the yard as a family. Everyone was there, my 6 year old daughter Carmen, 5 year old son Andre, and my husband Mark. We were playing tag and checking out all the goodies in the garden. Andre reached over to rub my tummy and say hello to his new little brother Breccan. As he did so, he looked up at me asking what was so lumpy on my tummy. The look on his face said "what's wrong here mom? something isn't right!". The rest of the family came over and we lifted up my shirt. There were two very small legs sticking out of my belly button. Carmen exclaimed "It's time to have the baby Mom" and my husband ushered the children inside while I sat down on the lawn. I was dizzy and couldn't breath. Logic didn't kick in to remind me that this is NOT how a baby comes into the world ... I just freaked out knowing that a baby at 22 weeks is not considered viable.

I rocked back and forth on the lawn praying that my new little son would crawl back into my warm uterus and finish growing. I knew my husband was busy calling 9-1-1 and I hoped he would call my Pastor too. I knew Breccan was not going to survive and that the ambulance would do us no good. I felt torn - I wanted to call my Pastor and beg him to drive to the house as fast as he could to baptize my son and pray with me. i didn't really care about the ambulance because as more and more of Breccan's body appeared, I knew there was no chance of saving him. I couldn't move my hands away from him for even a second to grab my phone. I was praying that my Pastor would somehow know what was happening and would appear at my side.

It didn't take long and my little itty bitty son was in my arms. He was crying, I was crying, and we were rocking together. He was tiny but he was absolutely perfect. I was telling him how much he was loved and wanted and the grass beneath us was so incredibly plush it felt like we were floating on clouds. I remember not wanting to take my eyes off him to look in the sky, but I heard the gentle rustle of the breeze in the trees and could feel the warmth of the sunshine on my skin. I felt calm and peaceful and then I woke up.

-- the dream ends here and I woke up late ... but I didn't wake up freaking out or feeling stressed ... for some reason the dream hasn't left me either, so I felt that getting it down on paper might help me put it out of my mind so I can have only happy dreams tonight.

crazy though, right?

~May your paths  be abundantly filled with lemons, sugar, sunshine, and happy dreams that always do come true! 
~Crystal