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Friday, November 11, 2016

Dear Bully,

My oldest has been bullied, and it was hard to hear the stories through the tears as she told us how the kids on the bus teased her about her weight, her hair, her clothes, our cows, and just about anything they could. It didn't have to make sense. It wasn't true. They just enjoyed her reaction. We turned to scripture for some guidance and I gave her the same advice my dad had given me: "Hey punkin' they are just jealous. Turn the other cheek."

After simultaneously reading Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult and watching the news coverage after Donald Trump's Election I made a facebook post about how emotionally drained all the anger and hate is making me feel. That bring me to this open letter to bullies.

Dear Bully,

For a moment you feel big because you make someone else feel small. When the moment ends you will go back to the emptiness that drove you here in the first place. I understand how helpless you must feel to crave the high that comes in that moment. Somewhere deep inside you must remember the loneliness you felt the first time someone made you feel not good enough. Take a moment and think back. You were undoubtedly looking around for someone to help. Someone to be your champion. That smile in the crowd, that person who would acknowledge your worth. Maybe for you, that person didn't step up. Maybe they were afraid.

Being the champion, the voice of those who have no voice, it's a choice. It's a choice to look injustice in the face and be the voice of change. If you had found your champion, would you still be a bully? If someone had filled your emotional cup, would you still be thirsty and filled with hate? Your emotional cup is empty. After making someone feel small, you gulp the dirty backwash from the cup and it is once again empty. Bullying is not a solution for your thirst and hate. Bullying is not going to help you find a champion and it in no way is going to help you become a champion.

Let me tell you what your emotional cup looks like if you are a champion. When you raise others up, your emotional cup is filled. It fills slowly at first, but as those who you have championed for become champions for others, it creates a ripple effect and before you know it, your cup overflows. You aren't a champion because it makes you feel good, but the high created in your heart when you see others succeed makes you crave something new. It makes you crave an opportunity to help the helpless. You want nothing more than to bring a smile to the face of a stranger. You create a culture for yourself in which you see so much good around you that you are smiling even on the rainiest days. When someone is scared or hurting and they are searching to room, you will be the one they are searching for. That high is different from what you feel when you make someone feel small. That high lasts all day.

Being a bully fills your cup for a moment. Being a champion fills your cup for a lifetime. Do you think you've gone down a path you can't turn from? Do you think it's too late for you to turn from your bullying to be a champion? Here's what God has to say to you:

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgive, whose sin is covered. Psalm 32:1

Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Psalm 51:7

It's not too late for you. It's not too late for any of us to say those two little words:

I'm Sorry

I am praying for you right now. I am praying that whatever hurt has driven you to where you are can be destroyed with the love I feel for you. I am here to tell you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and that you can make a difference in the world. I am not going to stop praying for you. When you are ready for a champion, I want to be that person for you. I will be cheering you on and picking you up.


Crystal is a church musician, babywearing mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Manitowoc County, Wisconsin with her husband, four young children (Carmen 9, Andre 8, Breccan 3, and Delphine 1), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.

You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff at: and

1 comment:

  1. I wrote this through tear filled eyes because this morning I was faced with the reality that my little girl, the child I created in my womb, nursed at my breast, and raised in my home has taken a path that I am ashamed of. It was so much easier to be the mother of a child who was bullied...being the mother of the bully breaks my heart. For the first time in my life I am ashamed of my daughter. I am also optimistic and confident that with prayer, patience, time, and teaching we can right this wrong. I pray my daughter becomes a champion.