What exactly is soliloquy Sunday and why do we need it in our lives? Well, the truth is you may not need it, but it happens to me on the daily so I may as well share...
do you ever just look in the mirror and have an internal dialogue with yourself? nope? ok then...
well I do.
This is where I work this all out. It comes out of my head and onto this blog and you can take it or leave it. My hope is that something may strike a chord or provide you with some sort of value.
My Nana would complain that she hated Sundays because no one comes to visit. She pointed out that basically the fun ends by lunchtime Sunday and people buckle down into work week mode. This is so true now that I'm a mom. Sunday afternoons we do any shopping for school stuff we need for the week, we fill out the calendar and make any necessary adjustments, we finish any homework and get everything in order for the week. Sunday late afternoon early evening is a bit depressing at the fun has left and we are full on into the responsible stuff of life.
I find myself wondering if it's all worth it. Some of my children value their grades and the education they are receiving, some feel it's a punishment and would prefer to just put in their time instead of applying themselves. I wonder if I should have joined the many families who have decided to unschool, homeschool, or online school. Are the kids even learning anything when teachers are burdened by behavioral issues, and classrooms feel like a circus. Who knows...
Am I doing the right thing by sending them to school? Is my nearly 18 year old applying for colleges? Why won't she talk to me? When did I become un-cool? Did I ruin my kids? Did society ruin my kids and I just somehow missed all the signs because I was in survival mode for a decade?
I wish I had answers. Ideas. Solutions. I wish I could pinpoint problems. Develop a strategy.
Whoever said being an adult was easy lied. Actually, no one said that...I just thought adulting was easy when I wasn't one and now that I am one, I realize it absolutely sucks and I hate buying toilet paper.
That's all...
Sundays are kind of lonely and maybe that's why Monday's are also so hard. I try to do something fun on Mondays to make them less painful. This Monday I'm going to one of my favorite coffee shops before work. It always makes me feel special being greeted by name, sitting in a comfy chair, and chatting with a friend.
Tuesday is the dentist....how do I tell her I've flossed approximately twice since I last saw her? I hate lying...
I ordered some makeup that promises to make me look younger. Maybe it will work. Facebook ads get me in the feels every time. Where is that fountain of youth I read about as a child?
Hot springs - maybe that's where I need to be. I feel like hot springs may bring back my youth. How about a writing retreat at a spa surrounded by hot springs?
I also just realized while revamping this blog that I have an author blog I haven't touched in over a decade. I read my work and it doesn't suck... maybe this will be the year when I finish something I started (relative to writing) and send queries to publishers. Or maybe life will take over and I'll put it off another year and I'll always wonder what I could have been if I wasn't so obsessed with being the best mom I can be - and why do I care when honestly no matter how hard I try my teenagers think my primary goal in life is to ruin everything for them?
Therapy. I'll be paying for it for the children for decades. They can just blame me for all the poor choices.
Is it really my fault?
Seriously - I tried.
Our parents had Dr Spock... I did better... what more do you want?
Don't forget to pack your anxiety meds in your briefcase since it's Sunday and Monday is going to mean a lot of notes on your desk (that was my note for myself, but if it applies - you're welcome).
All my love - Crystal
PS - May your paths be abundantly filled with lemons, sugar, sunshine, and don't forget to tell yourself that you are amazing! The world really is a better place with you in it - even when you feel like you're drowning.
xoxoxo
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