Blogging Mama

Total Pageviews

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Lemon-y Flash Backs

This blog is a little sad, but I'm confident it will turn out just great - lemons to lemonade as I always say! I have been touched by support and encouragement as I made my website public, added a Facebook page, etc...and yet, there is one person I wish I could talk to about this whole 'journey'. This blog is titled Lemon-y Flash Backs, because my feelings tonight are exactly how I felt when I was going through my divorce. When I was married, my husband was my best friend. When we were getting divorced, there were so many times I wanted to call him about something funny, ask him a 'remember when?' type question, or just bounce something off of him. But I couldn't...because we had closed that chapter in our lives. We are now great friends and he is one of those amazing people encouraging me and cheering me on, but those years were so painful...he was so close, but yet so far. It was like a death, but it wasn't...

The reason this memory is so vivid again right now, is because the man who I consider most instrumental in helping me grow and gain the confidence I am tapping into right now is merely an email away...but I can't bring myself to reach out to him. He's amazing, charismatic, talented, honest, and he's the one I bounced everything off for the last ten years; he's also the man who fired me. Essentially, he is still making my dreams come true...but I don't feel comfortable calling to say thank you. I want to know if he was scared when he bought his now thriving business. I want to know if he thinks I've got what it takes. I want to ask him how my website looks and if he'd be one of my first clients. Again...we've closed that chapter of our lives, and it is up to him to re-open that book.

I don't feel like a lemon, because I can draw from the experience of my divorce to know that this will all turn out to be beautiful in the future - just as God has planned. As you know, this blog is my journal - like it or hate it, it's how I'm feeling. This is what was on my mind tonight. I have a feeling there are many people who can relate. I don't want to be married to my x-husband anymore than I want my old job back...but there's a piece of each of those things that I miss...

On that note: "Self-trust is the first secret of success." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

No comments:

Post a Comment