Bring On Lemons

Before we get intimate with each other, I want to tell you what I love about my resume. Here goes - MY RESUME IS GREAT BECAUSE IT EXCLUDES: -the fact that my feet always smell like cider vinegar when I wear sandals -that my laundry piles up downstairs (clean) -that I prefer to order in rather than cook in the summer -that I like pastry for breakfast better than any other food on earth (bring on cheesecake) -that I dance around naked sometimes and there's more jiggle than there used to be -my insecurities about myself, my future, and my abilities -information about my vehicle being excessively over on an oil change AND tire replacements -mid-life acne -my spare tire -my neurotic tendency to clean daily -the fact that I said ASS the other day and now both children keep repeating it -my ranting when things don't go my way -my impatience My resume shows you only what I want you to see. It makes you want to meet me to learn more...and even then, you...