Bring On Lemons

As most of you know I'm Christian, a Wife, and a Mother (yes...in that order). Most days I feel like I've failed at all three of those jobs. Usually I feel that way right about the time the sun comes up. Before I roll out of bed I have an idea of how I want the day to go. Within minutes I am headed off course. I let curse words slip every now and again, I forget playdates and sports practices, I lose someone's favorite socks or burn the eggs (that is on those days when I've remembered to pick up eggs). Today was no exception and I cannot begin to list all the things that went wrong. Fortunately for me, I was raised by a total and complete optimist. Even though I know I've fallen short, I generally look at the positives and figure if no one is hospitalized by the end of the day we have successfully accomplished what we needed to for that day. Some days that is all I can ask for. I would love to send a Christmas letter talking about how my children never talk back, ...

Getting it Right This Time? I knew that I had been forgiven the moment I read the prayer with Pastor in his office that day. After several lonely years away from my church and my friends, I would finally be welcomed back with open arms and forgiven. Yes, I had three children with three different fathers, I was divorced, a single mother raising two of my three children, and I had been a young woman who placed her first born for adoption. I had been a mess. Left church because I chose to live a life of sin, and now I was back and begging for forgiveness. It would have been easier to stay away, but doing the right thing was not always the easy thing…or at least that’s what Daddy had told me. Shortly after my confession and absolution, I met an amazing man. We had a fabulous first few weeks. Then I found out that he had been a repeat drunk driver. He would spend our first Christmas and Valentine’s Days on house arrest. He said he would understand if I decided to end things. However...

Boy - it's been a while since I put my 'pen to paper' as they say. Lots has happened. Some of the things that transpired are not ready to be shared. One of them isn't ready, but I want to share it any way. Judge me if you like, but read to the end and you may just understand what took me 35 years to figure out. "I wish upon tonight to see you smile, if only for a while to know you're there..." These words move me to tears, because I have been crying every day since March 24th 1994 when my Daddy died. I dated men who were emotionally unavailable, treated myself poorly at times, and didn't make very good decisions. I didn't feel very valued, because the person who valued me the most had been taken to heaven all too soon. I married a fabulous man at Christmas time in 2000. We were married in the same church sanctuary where I had buried my father. The pain was nearly too much for me to bear. We invited less than a hand full of people, because I was...