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Monday, November 19, 2012

Getting it Right This Time?

Getting it Right This Time?

I knew that I had been forgiven the moment I read the prayer with Pastor in his office that day. After several lonely years away from my church and my friends, I would finally be welcomed back with open arms and forgiven. Yes, I had three children with three different fathers, I was divorced, a single mother raising two of my three children, and I had been a young woman who placed her first born for adoption. I had been a mess. Left church because I chose to live a life of sin, and now I was back and begging for forgiveness. It would have been easier to stay away, but doing the right thing was not always the easy thing…or at least that’s what Daddy had told me.

Shortly after my confession and absolution, I met an amazing man. We had a fabulous first few weeks. Then I found out that he had been a repeat drunk driver. He would spend our first Christmas and Valentine’s Days on house arrest. He said he would understand if I decided to end things. However, I couldn’t very well make his faults out to be any worse than mine. If he could accept me as I was with my sorted past, I could certainly do the same for him. We made it through several tough months and after nearly two years of courtship, he proposed and I said yes.

Right after the wedding, we decided to try and have a baby together. It didn’t take long, and I was taking a pregnancy test…and it was positive. We were excited and scared at the same time. I teased him because this would be the first time I was married and pregnant (in that order) and I said it seemed to go against my rebellious nature. Joking of course. It really felt great, and I was so excited to be getting it right this time. Like the old song “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage”…la la la

Today was the day for my first doctor’s appointment for this pregnancy. I knew I was about six weeks along and that the baby would arrive next June, but my Doctor wanted to confirm things and answer any questions I might have. We hadn’t told many people yet, and wanted to wait a few weeks to really go public. In fact, we hadn’t even told our families. I wasn’t sure of my mother’s reaction, and his sister was scheduled for a c-section in a few days and we didn’t want to steal the lime light. I pulled into the clinic and was shocked to see my mother’s sport utility vehicle parked next to the only open spot in the lot. I parked next to her and thought about how I was going to explain my presence at the clinic, without spilling the beans about the new addition to our family.

I walked hesitantly into the clinic hoping I wouldn’t see her and sighed in relief when the waiting room was empty. I marched up to the reception area and gave them my new married name, address, phone number, and updated my emergency contact information so my husband would be notified if something went wrong. As we were finishing up, I heard my gynecologist chatting with a patient. As they moved closer, it became painfully clear that my mother was the patient and not only was she at the same clinic, she was seeing the same Doctor, and now she was only a few feet away from me . “think fast” I said to myself just in time to smile and greet her. The only thing I could say was “oh, you see Doctor Fischer too?”
“Yes, and what are you seeing him for?” Mother asked (knowing full well I wasn’t due for an annual for quite some time)

“oh, he’s just my regular Doctor – you know. I’ll see you later, ok?” And I quickly finished the paperwork and scampered off to the lab to pee in the cup I had discretely tucked in my purse so she wouldn’t notice.

After the lab, I had a few moments in the waiting area again. The ladies in the reception area had clearly noticed our game of cat and mouse. They thought it was sweet when I explained that I didn’t want Mother to know until the risk of miscarriage was all but gone – she had miscarried two children before carrying me to term and I explained that I wanted to protect her from that sort of painful memory. They promised they hadn’t said anything but said they had a feeling that she was suspicious.

The nurse called me into the office and my blood pressure was unusually high. I promised her it was not a problem and was induced by the uncomfortable situation I had just endured. I laughed nervously as I explained the situation and thought to myself…’I’m getting it right this time, I suppose something had to be a little off to make me feel like I was living on the edge’

May your paths be abundantly filled with lemons, sugar, sunshine, and moments that make your heart beat a little faster than others <3

1 comment:

  1. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing...may God bless this time around even more as you can share it together.