Bring On Lemons

I guess I'll try to quickly explain what remains so confusing in my head and heart most days. I was in love with a handsome young man and we eventually got married. Somewhere between falling in love (or what we thought was love at that time) and getting married. we well ... we hopped into bed together. We were both young, successful, busy in our churches, dedicated to our families, and shocked. Why were we shocked? Because we had somehow managed to be intimate at just the right moment to create life. For weeks I was in denial and making up excuses for the obvious symptoms. I was as small as I had ever been. My husband and I worked together and the men we worked with even commented about how great I looked. I was 20, tall, thin, and yet I was terribly sick. I wen to the walk in clinic expecting to find out I had an ulcer. Not exactly...I happened to be three months pregnant. It didn't take us long to decide that we couldn't provide the type of home our child deserved. We w...

Raining on the Inside If you're anything like me, you don't really enjoy crying in front of people. That means happy tears as well as those of pain and sadness. Such an outflow of emotion is something I feel comfortable doing in the shower, and on rare occasion, in front of my husband. This said, if you've seen me cry, I was likely incredible uncomfortable at that moment. If you've seen my cry more than once, you're probably a dear friend or family member (or a stalker with a stool who can see into my bathroom window). I have plenty of emotions, but I prefer to share the happy ones and leave the tears for private. This morning I logged into my social media accounts (since I own a business where I help businesses with social media, I get to call this "work") - so I started 'working' and my news feed was flooded. 1) The mayor's grandfather died 2) A dear friend described herself as "broken" after the death of yet another family...

Finding Clarity - a fictional lesson in communication. The scotch burnt his throat in a good way. He balanced the sail plan with the tiller lashed so the sailboat would rest quietly for the night. Her name was Clarity, written in lovely script across the bow. She was only 12 feet. Some might call her a dingy, but Jeremiah was in lust with her. Others questioned his sanity because he couldn’t swim a stroke. She was just what he needed when he dragged himself out of the office on rare occasions. Tonight was his night to sleep on the boat, several miles off shore. He was alone. He was lonely. As the last drop of the malt whiskey trickled down his throat, Jeremiah was reminded of the small red droplets on the living room carpet so long ago. He closed his eyes to block out their past; after all, exactly a decade had passed. He poured another glass. He had promised his sponsor that he wouldn’t let this anniversary shake his sobriety, and then he promised himself that just one glass...

"Follow your passions and hold tight to your dreams and don't give up until your life is full of dreams, passion, and happiness" ~Crystal As I was watching the winter rye being cut and blown into the chopper wagons yesterday I was thinking about a lot of different things, but something worth sharing is the thought about life being like a chopper wagon. Be patient with me - I find farming incredibly amazing and rewarding in so many ways. The tractor pulls into the hilly field with the chopper and blower attached to it. The driver backs the unit(s) up to the waiting chopper wagon, then puts the pin in. At this point, the machinery becomes one - all the pieces work together to glide gracefully up and down the hilly field filling the wagon. When the wagon is full it is detached and another one takes it's place and this process continues until the field that was once lush and green with vegetation is ready for the next crop. The field looks like a carefully knit blan...

We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch - we are going back from whence we came" ~ John F. Kennedy I'm not sure if it's all the wedding talk or just the fact that Spring was my favorite season as a child, but I've been feeling a little melancholy the last few days. Lots of little things have been making me cry. Many would say "it's about time" since I pride myself in not crying...neither here nor there, I needed a little pick me up. Andre and I went to the beach where my father took me so many times as a child. Then, I was the child and he led me under the shade tree and reminded me the importance of listening and taught me to respect the water and the waves because they are both beautiful and dangerous. The tree is larger now, but it has stood the test of time. This morning, I was the parent and reminded my son of the very same things that were told to me at his age. And then we played...wit...