Contrast

Let's talk about contrast for a moment. My initial thought was I should write an article about light and darkness and in reality I'm still writing the same article - just a bit of a better spin on it. Contrast is of course the state of one thing being different from another - which makes it the perfect word to use when speaking on the subject of light and darkness. As an artist though - I'd like to talk about contrast which is the coming together of two opposite elements. Look at this picture for example - the restaurant looks dark only because the light is shining in the window and the photograph was taken with me facing the light and the camera facing the dark. The opposing elements cause the contrast. I ask myself, would the warmth of Wisconsin summer seem less warm without the cold of a Wisconsin winter? Would our joyful life experiences seem less joyful if not for the pain of our anxiety filled struggles? 

I initially wanted to write an uplifting article about how the light always breaks through the darkness and I still want you to remember that. I remind myself daily and the sunrise also reminds me. Write now though, our family is struggling and even though I have knowledge of brighter days ahead and I know the sun is shining and some days it's just hidden from me - I need to be honest with myself (and with you dear reader) and say that sometimes it's not enough. Some days I can pull myself out of the funk of darkness by concentrating on the promise of sunshine and brighter days ahead. Some days I would be just as happy to crawl back under the covers and bask in the darkness of sleep.

Am I depressed? Maybe. Is life hard? Definitely. Do I have a lot of friends pulling for me? Absolutely. Am I hesitant to ask for help? Of course. Is it easier for me to be the helper than to admit I'm a puddle on the floor? Yup - that's me! Do I wish someone would pick me up and carry me until I have the strength to stand? Yup - also me!

What's the point of this post? Well... I'm here to tell you it's okay if you aren't the bubbly ray of sunshine folks are accustomed to. It's okay if your chipper smile at the barista in the drive through line is fake for now. It's okay if the only thing getting you out of bed is your obligation to parent tiny humans. It's okay if the only reason you showered this week is because you couldn't go another moment smelling yourself. It's okay to hide behind a fake smile and make up. 

BUT...

You should only hide for a while. Find someone to talk to. Find yourself someone who is willing to sit on the bathroom floor with you. Someone who is willing to help you up and who is brave enough to tell you how awful you smell. Someone who says "I'll wait in the kitchen while you shower and then, let's go for coffee". Someone who helps you find a professional who can help you. Someone who helps you fill out the paperwork for your appointment with the professional. Someone who helps you arrange your thoughts and asks how your appointment went. Someone who asks when your next appointment is and calls you that day to remind you to go. Someone who checks on you and checks in daily until you have regained your strength of body and mind.

You may be accustomed to being the helper - but you have been driven to your knees and there is no way to get up without help. Allowing your anxious thoughts to consume you will ruin you and there is no shame in professional help and/or medication if necessary. I'm here to tell you that contrast in art is beautiful and someday you'll be so thankful for your own dark days because they'll make you appreciate the light! Keep chasing the light and find a tribe to chase it with you!

All my love!

xoxoxo

Crystal