Bring On Lemons

Of course having a miscarriage changes you. Future pregnancies are marked with hesitation and a wee bit of fear mixed in with the joy. Until 2012, I had never heard of a missed-miscarriage. I thought if you weren't bleeding or cramping everything had to be okay. I was wrong. I will spare you the details (you can read about them here) , but I went in for my 12 week appointment and the heartbeat that had been there a few weeks prior had disappeared. That's when I learned about a missed-miscarriage. This morning, I'm preparing for my first OB appointment and I'm remembering all too well those feelings of loss and the fear we wouldn't have another baby. I'm wondering this morning: Do I feel as sick as I did yesterday? Does my mouth taste as metal-ee as it did a few days ago? I'm an over-thinker by nature, but a missed-miscarriage makes you even more of an over-thinker. I am gently reminded that God knows how I'm feeling and he knows not only all ...

Some of you know my story and I'm in no way ashamed...I was pregnant for the first time at 20 and had a lovely baby girl. She was placed for adoption and we have always been very open with our family about her. It's a pretty heavy concept for a 5 and 6 year old to grasp and I admit it took me by surprise when my 5 year old son asked "why did you sell my sister?" and we have since talked about loving someone so much that you do what's best for them even though it breaks your heart. Anyway - I've been pregnant 6 times. Here's the scoop: My Age             Pregnancy Details 20 - Had a lovely baby girl after being on bed rest for 3 months 22 - Had a devastating miscarriage 30 - Had a lovely baby girl after being on bed rest for 6 months (3 months in the hospital) "Carmen" 31 - Had a handsome baby boy ... totally text book pregnancy ... no bedrest "Andre" 35 - Had a devastating miscarriage and learned about something called a 'mi...

Well, it's taken seven weeks to get this down on "paper", so you'll have to excuse any inaccuracies. I should preface this story by saying it is true to the best of my sleep-deprived, new mommy recollection. Breccan's birth happened Monday, September 23rd at 9:33pm but in reality, his birth story began much much sooner. Now, my gestation period is 40 weeks (same as all other humans)...so this may seem confusing at first. Breccan's birth story begins mid-October 2012, nearly a year before his official birth. Mark and I were married in August 2012 and hoped to conceive on our wedding night. We didn't conceive until mid-October and we were super excited. I remember saying "we may not have a honeymoon baby, but maybe it happened the night of your birthday!" Well, regardless of when it happened, we were excited. We went to Sneek a Peek studio in Green Bay to get an early ultrasound. It was so reassuring to see the baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks. ...