Of course having a miscarriage changes you. Future pregnancies are marked with hesitation and a wee bit of fear mixed in with the joy. Until 2012, I had never heard of a missed-miscarriage. I thought if you weren't bleeding or cramping everything had to be okay. I was wrong. I will spare you the details (you can read about them here)
, but I went in for my 12 week appointment and the heartbeat that had been there a few weeks prior had disappeared. That's when I learned about a missed-miscarriage. This morning, I'm preparing for my first OB appointment and I'm remembering all too well those feelings of loss and the fear we wouldn't have another baby.
I'm wondering this morning:
Do I feel as sick as I did yesterday?
Does my mouth taste as metal-ee as it did a few days ago?
I'm an over-thinker by nature, but a missed-miscarriage makes you even more of an over-thinker.
I am gently reminded that God knows how I'm feeling and he knows not only all the plans he has for me, but the plans he has for baby E too. Please pray with me and for me this morning that the joy may be greater than the fear.
One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
"surely, just as I have intended so it has happened,
and just as I have planned so it will stand."
~Isaiah 14:24 NASB
May your paths be abundantly filled with lemons, sugar, sunshine, and knowledge that God is with you each step of the way.
Crystal is a secretary and musician at her church, babywearing cloth diapering mama (aka crunchy mama), business owner, active journaler, writer and blogger, Blog Tour Manager with WOW! Women on Writing, Publicist with Dream of Things Publishing, Press Corp teammate for the DairyGirl Network, Unicorn Mom Ambassador, as well as a dairy farmer. She lives in Manitowoc County, Wisconsin with her husband, four young children (Carmen 9, Andre 8, Breccan 3, Delphine 2, and baby E due in fall 2017), two dogs, two rabbits, four little piggies, a handful of cats and kittens, and over 230 Holsteins.
You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff here, and at WOW! Women on Writing.
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