Monday, February 13, 2017
Are They ALL Yours? (and other things strangers ask moms with 3 or more kids)
Many of you know me, but for those who don't, I've given birth to 5 beautiful children thus far and I'm not opposed to having more (good Lord willing and the creek don't rise). Right now, we have 4 children at home ages: 9,8,3, and 1. The 9 and 8 year old are 14 months apart which is apparently known as being 'Irish Twins' and the younger two are 17 months apart. I also take care of my niece who is 17 months younger than our youngest. (Our youngest will be 2 in a few weeks and our niece is 7 months). Now that you know more than you ever needed to, I am going to launch into all of the weird things strangers have asked and the snarky comments I've formulated in my head as a response:
Are they ALL yours? (People have asked me this when I have just 3 of my own children...and of course if I have 5 in tow, then they still ask. I just politely smile and answer truthfully...but in my head, this is my snarky response: No - I rustled up all the neighborhood kids to go grocery shopping because I thought it would be fun to push 2 carts and 5 crabby little humans around the store!)
Do they all have the same father? (I usually just smile and give them a blank look - who asks that anyway? Who answers that even? My snarky response: No, I'm a prostitute and some guys refuse to use a condom, so this is what happens. Why do you ask, does this one look like he/she is related to you? or better yet: No, I don't think so. I'm not sure who is the father of this one - does he look like anyone you know?)
Are they twins? (This may seem like a legitimate question, but in my case, there's a huge size difference between all of my children...so I just smile and say, Irish Twins maybe, but that's as close as it gets at our house. My snarky response: Yes, they are twins, but this one came out a year in a half before this one...it was grueling.)
How do you get anything done? (I usually just laugh and say, sometimes they sleep, but my snarky response is much better: I don't - we live in a filthy pig sty. or I lock them in the kennels in the basement and deep clean the house with the radio turned up listening to 80's tunes to drown out the screaming!)
Are you done now? (I'm sure they don't mean grocery shopping, this is usually in reference to whether we are having more children or not...and I laugh and say "it's up to God" but my snarky response is a wee bit more fun: We are going for a world record - just a few dozen more should do it. I mean after all, what is it to them?)
You aren't having more, are you? (see above...with a twist: Well we sure aren't having less, are we?) LOL
You know about birth control, right? (there's no way to respond to this - especially with a stranger - just smile...it's about all you can do. Snarky response is (drum roll please...): no, what's that? Do you have time to tell me about it before we get out of the produce aisle? )
seriously though - I would never actually say any of the snarky comments you read above. I'm pushing 40 and my filter seems to be working most days, so I act appropriately and just THINK the snarky thoughts to myself.
What is the weirdest question you've been asked by a stranger?
How do you respond when people ask you personal questions?
Leave a comment - it's always awesome to hear from you!
May your paths be abundantly filled with lemons, sugar, sunshine, and snark!
You can find Crystal riding unicorns, taking the ordinary and giving it a little extra (making it extraordinary), blogging and reviewing books, baby carriers, cloth diapers, and all sorts of other stuff here, and at WOW! Women on Writing.